Frig......

Okay, so I've pretty much been sittin' on my ass all week long trying to break this cycle of sickness that has been going on....It really doesn't help that school is SO incredibly stressful this semester, I seriously feel like I just want to go hide under a rock, I wish I didn't put so much pressure on myself. I swear this will all be the death of me, and I cannot honestly say that the last three years of my life have been worth it. Hell, I don't even know what I want to do with my life anymore. I'm so lost...Lost in life, lost in love, just plain old lost. But hey, a little healthy introspection never hurt anyone right? Yeah, riiiight.
I never know what to say anymore, I mean I have so much going on in this crazy head of mine, actually sometimes I actually feel like I'm going crazy. Thankfully I have a good friend that keeps my head out of the clouds for the most part, although can't say that I've seen him around too much lately. Honestly, I have this tendency to push everyone away...It's kinda like my trademark. I do it in a fashion that no one really knows I'm doing it, I'm getting kinda good at it actually! I have to stop doing that, serioulsy.....
Love....LOVE! Man alive.....There's nothing that puzzles me more then that. You have this idea in your mind of what you're looking for, what you need and then when it's there , in front of you, its nothing what you had dreamed of....It's just a bunch of mixed up emotions with two people that have no idea what they want with each other. And no, I'm not in a relationship....Just looking on it from past experience. But, my god, this month has been crazy...A rollercoaster of emotion, emotions that I could have done without to be honest...I'm sick of feeling like I can never measure up to anyone's standards, maybe I'm just feeling sorry for myself....You know, I really have come to the conclusion that I HATE lukewarm acceptance....Outright rejection, that's what I need from now on....So to all you guys out there, say what you mean, and mean what you say. It'll save some girl a whole lot of heartache.....*sigh* Whatever.....
Kay, well, I'm emotionally, physically, mentally drained.....I'm going to bed..GOODNITE CRUEL WORLD!