Rant Day.........

Most of the time I try to keep my blog fun and "light" if you will. However, today I feel the need to put some thoughts to 'paper'.

Lately I've been feeling, i'm not really sure what you would call it, depressed, stressed, angry, tired....I don't even know. The thing is, I have no idea why. I have a fiance who loves me, I have a family who loves me - yet still I find myself struggling at the best of times. I feel uneasy....About life in general. Sometimes I can't comprehend why things happen the way they do, why things turn out completly differently than what I had hoped for and expected. Adult life isn't easy.

The next little bit is me letting off steam......so if you don't want to hear me ramble about crap that bothers me then move on.

*Warning--this first paragraph could be long*

Firstly, I feel mad and angry. I feel mad at the people at work who chew with their mouths open. I feel mad that the receptionist(s) book us 18 clients at the same time. I feel angry at how loud the russians at work talk/eat. I feel angry about how unprofessional the other therapists are at work. I hate that Scott and I have to put up with so much stupid crap from stupid Russians at work. I hate working 50 hours at a job that I hate just for the sake of making money. I'm sick and tired of hearing gum smaking 10 hours a day. I'm mad that I'm a perfectionist and nothing can ever be right. I get angry when people are so narrow-minded. I'm ticked that not everyone wears deodorant. I'm angry that our walls still aren't fixed. I'm bitter that our old supers. who were great moved and now we got stuck with retards who are never around - and let me add that they are russians! I'm mad that because I've been dealing with lazy/stupid Russians everyday for seven months at work and at home and now I can't stand any russians at all, whereas before I had NO problems with them(why would I!?!). I'm pissed at the fact that people are so greedy. I'm pissed that not everyone thinks the same way as I do (I had to put it in because it's true)!!!

I'm sad that most of the time I feel like I made the wrong career choice. I'm sad that this job doesn't provide me with longterm stability for me and my family. I'm sad that my body feels like it's 80 years old. I'm upset at myself for some of the really bad decisions I've made. I'm upset for letting many friendships go astray. I'm upset that I can't get a full nights sleep and then I'm a 'misery guts' everyday. I'm scared that I'll never know what I truly want to do with my life and if I find out, I'll never be able to achieve it. I'm scared that there are "ghosts" in my life that haunt me for the rest of my life(not 'boo' ghosts, but you know what I mean). I'm scared at the fact that even though I tell people that I'm a firm believer that "everything happens for a reason", I don't really believe it.

I'm stressed about work, relationships, weddings, finances, friends. I could keep going but, what good would it do?

Anyways, there's my rant for the day. If you actually got this far - I'm sorry.