Why you won't find me on the cover of 'Best Parenting' Magazine

Please forgive me, for I have been a Bad Mother. I have done the following Bad Mother things lately:

-I spotted Kayla licking the hardwood floor. I didn't notice it until it was too late, and the floor was soaked in saliva.

-I watched a particularly sweary episode of "Big Brother" in Kayla's presence this. If her first sentence is "I am f*cking dying of starvation!", we'll all know who to blame - ME!

-I fed her some tostitos yesterday.

-I don't bathe her every day, mostly every second day - unless she absolutly needs one. I'm not sure if this is a bad thing because surely items like oatmeal and banana are good for the skin and hair, right?

-I had no idea that "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" had more than one verse.

-I often make up stories to go with the pictures in her books, particularly if I find the original story a bit boring. Once she learns how to read, she's going to be very annoyed about this.

-Ditto song lyrics.

-I laugh at her when she takes a fall (who wouldn't!?)

-I giggle when Scott is "disciplining" her

I could add more, but I think this is enough of our "how not to parent" post....