I'd give anything to be asleep right now... There is nothing more lonely than being wide awake in the middle of the night with no one to talk to, lay next to...I'm physically tired but my brain won't shut off. I can't decide what is real emotion versus strain from sleep pattern disruption. My music is on but provides little comfort. MSN is on but no one is up or they are headed to bed...makes me jealous that they are about to find peace in dream. I was thinking about when I was young I used to crawl into bed with my mom and dad for comfort...I miss having that escape, wishing I had that tonight.
What plagues the mind? A myriad of thoughts, feelings, emotions, what have you: mostly job insecurity, money, missing my future husband like crazy and especially on nights like this, friends moving on with their lives, a job that sucks more than it rocks these days, getting older, feeling restless, underwhelmed, unappreciated, uncool, unmotivated, out of shape, undereducated. The only sleep I've managed to get this week has been chemically induced by graval. I'd prefer not to grow such a dependency and am relieved that I've depleted my sources... well except for the fact that it would help me sleep.
Bah...
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baby...I'm missing you like crazy right now. I have a HUGE need to hold you right now....be next to you. You're hurting and it's supposed to be my job to comfort you, and it sucks that I can't be there to do that for you tonight. I can't wait until we live together and anytime you need it I'll be there (in person) for you. I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU....
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