I found myself running out to do a couple of errands. So I'm walking through the mall to buy some, dare I say it, Christmas gift wrap! Oh god, I totally went there. I'm not proud of it, but it was just one of those "deals" that I couldn't pass up. But alas, I digress..
Anyways, I'm done my mall shopping now and heading to the grocery store. I hear this, I'll call it chattering, coming up from behind me and then someone grabs my side. I whipped around like a crazy myself. I had Kayla in the stroller, and was not about to let some psycho take my child, I was prepared for the worst. But as I turned around I saw something I wasn't expecting. NO, it wasn't Captain. D. this time. It was this woman:
I'm not even kidding -- I found this picture -- and this SERIOUSLY looks like her. A friggin' 85 year old, foreign woman was jabbing her bony hands into my ribs!
Anyways, the old nutcase takes a hard peppermint candy out of her pocket (I'd be willing to bet the jacket smelled of moth balls.) and tries to shove it in Kayla's mouth -- I was like, "Ummmmm, NO! She can't have that, she's only a baby!"
The crazy nutball was like "She's too young, she's too young, she's too young". All the while she's shaking the stroller handle. I was seriously getting mad at this woman, Kayla was clearly frightened and I told her that I needed to go. So she grabs the stroller handle and starts to push the stroller with me and starts poking me in the side really hard, all the while she's saying, "I'm Greeeeeeeeeeeeeek, and I love Canadians!". She wasn't saying it, as yelling it all the way through the mall.
In fact, the thing that kept going through my head he she was screaming "I'm Greeeeeeek, and I love Canadians" was 'wow, this woman really sounds like Goldmember from Austin Powers'. Not her accent, of course, but the way that she said "I'm greeeeeeek, and I love Canadians" sounded like Goldmember when he said "I'm from Holland. Isn't that vierd?" and "Can I paint his yoohoo goooooooooooollld?"
Hilarious that I was thinking that while she was screaming. I couldn't help but giggle.
Finally the crazy hag moved to her next victim, another 80 something year old cute lady. She tried to pawn off her candy again and started her rant about being Greek again. I ran quietly out of sight until she couldn't be seen anymore.
Crazy foreigners....
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