Sometimes I think......

Strangly enough, I havent been able to sleep well the past few nights. This obvioulsy gives me a lot of time to sit back and ponder and think about things, life...

This life isn't quite what I anticipated when I was a young, looking ahead to my mid-twenties. Too much feels like it's floating around, waiting for a place and time to land. I like the idea of cloaking myself in the comfort of stability. I want a "sure thing"...or two. I dream of a cozy little house, a family all my own, and taking walks around the neighborhood every other day with my hubby...waiving at folks as they chase their kids and tend to their rose bushes. Sounds boring, but I'm ready to settle into the routine that will evolve into traditions. I'm ready for the rest of my life. I'm ready for things to start falling into place.

At this point, all I really need is to feel like I matter. For me, that's the ultimate compliment in life -- to feel like I'm cherished intensely in the eyes, heart, and mind of someone who really has no obligation to be in my life...but he simply wants to be where I am, regardless of what I am, regardless of how we got there. I wanna be significant. That's something that'd feel real and safe to me. And I do feel that way, I feel that way everytime I look into Scotts eyes. If for some reason I don't make it through the night, all I'd really want is for Scott to know that I really do love him. He always makes me feel very important and rare

The man is something beyond my soulmate. It's hard to explain to many folks the circumstances under which we came to know each other. It's hard to accurately articulate how or when we fell in love. It happened too hard and too fast for rational minds to understand. I'm normally a rational person myself. Sometimes you just "know," though. Sometimes intuition works. In every sense of the term, it was literally love at first sight for me. We knew each other before we ever really met...at school. I've grown alot in a pretty short amount of time, and I've come to learn that it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks, how he/she might view this relationship, whether or not she/he sees it failing or flourishing.
It's not for anyone else to understand. And I'm fine with that.

I cherish every moment I wake up knowing that you are mine and I am yours. It is a feeling like no other. The feeling of belonging to something so precious and special is something that should not be taken for granted. Without a doubt in my mind, I feel like something really phenomenal has impacted my life that alot of people fail to recognize. What I am emphasizing is the strength and overabundance of love that we share. Even in the perverted generation that we live in where couples are cheating on each other and sharing each other. All these things which were shunned in the old days are now norm in today's society (sad but true). New walls of communication have been broken down and have made deception in relationships accessible and glorified. The world is balanced where monogamy no longer exists. Such a word is to be placed next to abstinence in today's society as both are nonexistent.

True love. That's what I go on feeling for you every day that I share with you. I think of you in all that I do.

I know this may be hard for the average blog-reader to understand. I wish I could put it into more tangible terms. I confess that all I know for sure is that I'd like to spend eternity laughing with him and enjoying the calm I feel when he's smothering me with his love. Maybe in time the dynamic of the relationship will become clearer; for now, soak up that feeling of uncertainty. Everything in this world doesn't have to be completely logical and categorical. Relax, a little cloudiness is fine....