Today is one of those days where I wish I was more personable. I know some people who have lots of friends and acquaintances. For whatever reason, I don't, mostly because I'm too quiet, too shy, and too lazy to go out that often unless someone pushes me. So whenever I get into an argument with one friend, it quickly envelops my whole life and turns it into a living hell. I'm forced to choose between people, forced to play peacekeeper, forced to do a bunch of crap that I'm just not good at.
One of my biggest flaws is that I can be pretty irrational and angry when something pisses me off. I'm not very good at hiding my anger at all. So I have this tendency to escalate things through my anger.
Which leads into something else, my refusal to correct my flaws. I have this thing, that used to be a joke, that I'm perfect. You know, funny haha. At some point, though I stopped believing it was a joke and started believing it for real. It's not healthy at all. I'm going to start having to working on these soon, and if fights that I start are what instigates that, then maybe it's for the best in the long term for me.
The more I sit and reflect on what a horrible person I can be, the more though I'm pretty lucky to have the few friends I do. And that get's me through the day.
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3 comments:
You are not a horrible person, I do not want you thinking that for one second. You are an amazing person, and I am lucky to not only be with you, but know you as well. I feel truely blessed to have you in my life. I wouldn't want it any other way!
Actually....
As an outsider looking in, you are a very strong person, full of charisma and wittiness. You are forthright and unafraid to speak your mind.
To "hang" with you is like being a 4 year old at the Circus. You never know whats happening next but whatever it is, it's going to be a complete scream!
As for your small circle of friends.... Truly, because of your personality, it's my perception that anyone around you must have a strong sense of self as you speak before you "buff it up". An admirable trait; being that you fear nothing that comes out of your mouth. - Your friends are strong and self-confident. Worthy of your attention.
I for one think you are one of the most awesome people I have ever met. I admire all that you are and will continue to praise you at every opportunity.
K, no one's EVER said anything even REMOTELY close to that - EVER! And secondly, Patsy called you a PEOPLE!!! BAHAHAHAHAHA People as in her own race? Or as in spilt personality?!? TEEHEEHAAHAA!!
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